Updated: Jan 23
Updated: Jan 23
There is a road rising behind my house called Barnes. Its path winds up to a big prairie overlooking our city. The view from the top is beautiful but the climb is difficult. The harsh grade has offered me a great opportunity for exercise. At the time, the walk was a moderate challenge but what I loved mostly was the view. In order to increase the cardio challenge, I decided to run-walk the steep hill in intervals. To allow myself to even consider it, decided to break it up in bite sized intervals where I ran from from parking sign to another parking sign and then walked down an interval to rest. If I started at the top and did this on the way down, I could run the whole length reasonably. Down two signs, up one, down two, up one. I have never entertained the idea of running non-stop all the way up this steep grade though. I had settled for my easy, manageable interval plan.
Winter is upon us now and my Barnes Road outings are few and far between. Still, the hill tranquilly sits behind my house, alone, but not silent. Each day, when I look out my window, Barnes Road calls out to me. Our relationship had been a good one, but now it seems to have turned on me. It taunts me and it tells me, I settled and gave up. It mocks me and says I didn't even try; I settled for easy, I settled for less.
This heckling will not stop... from sunrise to sunset, it keeps taunting me.
Should I entertain the possibility? I have been afraid to even consider it. If I try and my result is less than what I want, I will have myself to answer to. The hill may be satisfied but I will not. My own heckling will start and I am more afraid of myself when I fail, than myself when I give up.
I find it curious and interesting that I set boundaries on what I will even consider in order protect Myself from Myself. But in reality, I am not protecting myself at all. I now deal with the hill taunting me along with my own voice telling me that I settled. I am harassing myself either way. So I might as well try and risk failure.
Fear of failure is like that. We decide to fail ahead of time by not even trying because somehow we think we are protecting ourselves from failure. But we aren't. What if settling for less was worse than not trying at all? What if trying for more was succeeding even if we didn't get a perfect result and not trying was the real failure?
I am allowing myself to rethink this and accept the challenge. Barnes, I am coming. I will answer your call with a big:
"No, I will not settle".
I will try and I will conquer you.
Thank you for reaching out, my friend.
I will see you today a 2 pm!
Updated: Jan 23
For the first time in my memory, my husband Kent, got really focused on completing a 1000 piece puzzle during the Christmas Holiday. Yes, a jigsaw puzzle. It makes sense because it featured Edward Gorey art. He was the artist who drew the macabre drawings of Masterpiece theatre. My husband has a dark side, but I never fully realize his enthusiasm for it until this year. Kent also picker out our Christmas cards, which was a surprise to say the least. Guess what design he chose? You guessed it, Edward Gorey. So this year, we sent out Holiday Greetings depicting Fiery Punch Bowls and the Ceremonial Disposal of Fruit Cakes. I can't complain; it was 2020 after all.